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Oh Yes! The Pleasurable and Quirky History of Sex Toys

Alright, brace yourself! We’re about to dive deep into a topic that’s been titillating minds (and other parts) for millennia – the history of sex toys. 

Now, don’t get all hot and bothered. We’re not just talking about the neon pink rabbits in the back corners of suspiciously dim shops. 

Oh no, my friend. The history of sex toys spans thousands of years, cultures, and civilizations. It’s a tale of innovation, creativity, and good old human horniness.

So, grab a drink (or whatever else you need) and get comfortable. We’re about to stroll down the sexy, bumpy, and occasionally hilarious road of the history of sex toys. 

We’re going from ancient civilizations that carved dildos out of stone to the tech-savvy pleasure devices connected to our smartphones today. The journey of sex toys is as varied and vibrant as our own desires.

And let’s be honest, there’s something incredibly heartwarming (and a little bit funny) about the fact that humans have been finding creative ways to get off since the dawn of time. It’s a testament to our ingenuity, resourcefulness, and commitment to pleasure. 

After all, necessity is the mother of invention. And, well, orgasms are pretty darn necessary.

Stone Age Satisfaction

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? And by the beginning, we mean the Stone Age. 

Yes, you read that correctly. The history of sex toys goes way back, and our ancient ancestors were not shy about getting their rocks off… with rocks. 

Archeologists have discovered phallic-shaped objects made of stone, bone and even antlers that date back to the Paleolithic era. While some scholars argue that these objects were for spiritual or ceremonial purposes, others believe that they were, in fact, ancient dildos. 

After all, humans have been human-ing for a long time, and sexual pleasure is as old as time.

The Ancient World Gets Kinky

Japanese Wooden Olisbos (Wikimedia Commons)

Fast forward a few thousand years to ancient civilizations, and you’ll find that the Greeks, Romans, and Egyptians were all fans of sex toys. Ancient Greek art often depicted women using olisbos or dildos made of wood or leather. 

Meanwhile, the ancient Romans were known for their love of luxury, and this extended to their sex toys as well. Some Roman dildos were silver, gold, or even glass. 

And let’s not forget the Egyptians. Famous rumors about Cleopatra involved a papyrus box filled with bees as a makeshift vibrator. Talk about a buzz!

The Dark Ages Were Not So Dark

Wikimedia Commons

While the medieval period is often associated with chastity belts and sexual repression, the history of sex toys tells a different story. 

Yes, the church was preaching abstinence and condemning all sorts of fun activities, but people still found ways to get their jollies. 

For instance, medical treatises from the medieval period describe the use of dildos to treat a condition called “hysteria,” which was basically a catch-all diagnosis for any kind of “unruly” female behavior. 

The prescribed treatment? Orgasms. Doctors would use dildos or their fingers to bring women to orgasm as a cure. Yep, medieval medicine was wild.

The Victorian Era Vibrations

Let’s move on to the Victorian era, a time often associated with prudishness and repression. But guess what? It is also the period when the vibrator came into existence. 

In the 19th century, doctors treated hysteria with orgasms. However, manual stimulation was considered time-consuming and labor-intensive. 

Enter the vibrator, a device initially created to simplify doctors’ lives by speeding up the process. Funny enough, it was one of the first electrified household appliances, even before the vacuum cleaner or the iron. Priorities, right?

The Sexual Revolution

The sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s brought a wave of openness and acceptance of human sexuality. And with it came a boom in the sex toy industry. 

The Hitachi Magic Wand first made waves in the 1960s as a “personal massager.” It quickly gained a reputation as a top-notch vibrator and remains popular today. 

In the 1980s and 1990s, the internet and the rise of e-commerce made it easier than ever to purchase sex toys discreetly, leading to an explosion in variety and availability.

The Rise of Remote Control Vibrators

Ah, the wonders of modern technology! Not too long ago, controlling a vibrator from across the room, let alone across the globe, would have sounded like science fiction. 

But today, remote control vibrators are a staple in the ever-evolving world of sex toys.

Remote control vibrators first hit the market in the early 2000s, but the advent of smartphone apps took them to the next level. Nowadays, many remote control vibrators can be controlled via an app on your phone, which means you can hand over the reins to a partner.  

You get the same intense pleasure whether they’re sitting next to you or on the other side of the world. Talk about keeping the spark alive in a long-distance relationship!

And let’s not forget about the rise of teledildonics, or sex toys controllable over the internet. These high-tech toys can sync up with virtual reality porn or be controlled by a partner via video chat, adding a new dimension to cybersex. Who said staying in had to be boring?

Pleasure Through the Ages

So there you have it, a whirlwind tour of the wild, wacky, and wonderful world of sex toys. We went through the period when our ancient ancestors got creative with stones and bones. We looked at the high-tech remote-controlled gadgets of today. 

The history of sex toys is a fascinating journey through human ingenuity, determination, and our never-ending quest for pleasure. It just shows where there’s a will, there’s a way… to get off.

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